Broken PU$$Y! Reclaiming my Time.

Hey Siri, Play Tragic x Jazmine Sullivan 😫

Hey Siri, Play Tragic x Jazmine Sullivan 😫

It brings me great sadness to admit that I faked an orgasm!

Oh, the things women do to spare the male ego. The experience was cold, passionless, and in the words of our sister Jazmine Sullivan, 'Woulda did this on my own. Coulda stayed my ass at home!'

Don’t feel like reading? I got you bookie! A voice memo is coming soon.

Now, let's dive into the story, code name Big El. Girl, we had a history. I thought he was a safe choice to scratch an itch. Boy, was I wrong. From our first steamy encounter back in college to our most recent wrestling match, I’ve lived a lot of life!

I started questioning my definition of 'good sex'. Maybe he wasn't as skilled as I thought, or perhaps it was my own limited experience clouding my judgment.

So many things were great about my weekend getaway with Big El. He opened his home to me, and I was in need of quality time and affection—even if it was all pretend for the weekend. Just to be clear, I love living in delusion, and it's a requirement for my lover to play along! But why didn't this man want to play along? Haha, what a loser.

Now, let's talk about the sex. 'Awful' doesn't even begin to describe it. Big El is blessed, let me tell you. I wish I could show you a picture. However, his thrusting and stroking felt like he was following a tired 8-count routine instead of listening to me and my body. I tried coaching him, saying things like 'that feels good! Slide to the right more' and even using my hands to nudge him in the right direction. But it was all a tragic fail. He had a learning curve of 20 with the comprehension skills of a damn rock. Luckily, I had packed my vibrator and was able to finish for real.

Enough about that. I'm deleting that memory. Mwauhhhh #Blocked.

What is “Good” Sex?

Now, let's be mature and intellectual about the matter! Big El is probably thinking the same thing about me. I deeply wanted to escape. I was using that man in a way he didn't sign up for, and as I stated before, he didn't want to participate in my delusion *throws tomatoes*.

Once upon a time, physical attraction and lust were all I needed for a nightcap. I was more than capable of casual sex. Let me tell you, Miss Keisha—KeKe for short, that's what I call her—well, she graduated! I knew this before I went to Big El's house.

For me, good sex is a passionate collaborative experience filled with exploration in the pursuit of mutual pleasure! It's about diving into the unknown, a dance of connection, trust, and vulnerability. When both parties are fully engaged and open to exploration, that's when you land in the group chat. Now, I'm ironing your socks, haha!

Good sex is about creating an intimate space where desires are shared, boundaries are respected, and pleasure is the ultimate goal.

The Evolution of Miss Keisha!

Therapy ruined my sex life! Yep, before I started doing this damn work to become a better person, life was chaotic but fun. Do I miss it? Sometimes. Don't tell my therapist, but life was a bit more interesting when I was anxiously attached, frequently triggered, all while navigating the dating scene without coping mechanisms. Baby, I have some stories.

Live footage of me pre-therapy!

Now, I'm too self-aware to engage in meaningless wrestling matches. I need emotional connection for physical intimacy!

When I'm emotionally connected, I'm more likely to feel safe. Therefore, I'm more open to being vulnerable, which means I'm more likely to communicate my desires, preferences, and boundaries. And all of these things together lead to an encounter that has that man doing 60 in a 40 when I text 'come over'.

Emotional connection isn't synonymous with commitment or monogamous relationship. As a heterosexual woman, the cons keep piling up. There are too many men who act as if casual encounters should be devoid of emotion and consideration. I hate that for us! J-dawg, if you mess with me, please let me wake up a full lesbian...not just homoromantic. I don't want to engage with men, lmao.

Am I the only woman who would like to bottle up the personality, character, humor, and love of girlfriends and place it into a fine black man who resembles Lakeith Stanfield or maybe Trevante Rhodes? Just me? Okay, that's a whole different conversation.

Make Your Top Lip Touch Your Bottom!

Wow, you're still reading? I'm wrapping this up—literally. I've had a few hours to reflect on my lack of orgasm during my drive back home. In conclusion, I've changed! I won't say for the better or for the worse. I simply changed, and that's okay. Something that was once enough, felt good, and was enjoyable no longer is.

We change!
We evolve!
We grow!

We make better decisions as we become more informed!

Moving forward, I've decided not to have sex, drink, or date in 2024. Just to be clear, self-pleasure is still on the table! I'm working on myself—to be the best version of myself. I'm still gathering information to identify exactly who that is. I've come this far, identifying the characteristics and a few traits that a woman living my dream life would possess. At the top of the list is discipline.

Going cold turkey on dating, sex, and alcohol is the ultimate test of discipline. I'm working my discipline muscles every day. Although I haven't fully defined what my dream life looks like, I know that after 2024, I'll have the discipline to manage a life I couldn't even imagine.

I'm all typed out!

Xoxo,

The Cool Girl Karmen

P.S. Tell me what you think!!!  Ask me something. Request a blog. Drop a line. Lets kiki about your most tragic wrestling match.