Bad B*tches in the Bingo Hall! 69 Doing Bottle Service?
Hey Siri, Play What We Do By Freeway, Bey's Husband, and Beanie Sigel 🤑
Hey Siri, Play What We Do By Freeway, Bey's Husband, and Beanie Sigel 🤑
I’ve sat on this blog for a few weeks, deeply concerned about actively sharing my financial woes. Money is often considered taboo, BUT it shouldn't be. I truly believe that if we talked about it MORE, people wouldn't feel as isolated in seasons like mine. Words have power! I have never in my life been broke, nor will I ever be "broke." OKAY? I refer to myself as "resource deficient."
Before I get into the details, understand that there is a hunger and hustle born out of being resource deficient, especially when you know what overflow feels like!
I am not defeated.
I am not uncertain.
I am not worried.
I am not broke.
I am just going to "keep going."
The dog is in me, haha. This season has awakened something within me! Be afraid, be very afraid. When I step out with my K25 Sellier Epsom, just know that mama WORKED hard for it.
B*tch Better Have My Money
How long do you think you could last without being paid? One paycheck, two paychecks, hmm, maybe three? I pray you never have to find out.
In 2022, I was laid off TWICE, which honestly wasn't even the start of my problems. I was paid a generous severance. Naive, overzealous, and financially immature, I didn't grasp the gravity of my financial uncertainty. I didn't spend it in a month! However, I didn't stick to a strict budget.
The digital boom during the pandemic had spoiled me. See? I was exposed to the "fast money" of consulting while working a full-time job. Whew, the deposits were hitting. Retainers starting at $3,000. I'd literally tell myself, "I'll just pick up a consulting gig." Ok, back to the future haha! Well, Fall 2022.
The beginning of the recession hit me, and I felt it. Budgets were being cut on the consulting side...layoff at my full-time job. I went from over employed to unemployed faster than my dog Scrappy could snatch a piece of bacon out of my hand...Boom, I landed my DREAM job after a rigorous five rounds. It was great! I loved my manager, my team members, company perks, and I was even able to get my work wife hired (I love you Niecey girl).
Life was looking up. My money wasn't as funny. I was young, hot, turnt, working at a portfolio brand, living in my dream loft, hosting game nights for my girls, and dating. At this time, I believed my life was perfect! I had no clue about the challenges I was about to face.
An email came through at midnight about a mandatory Zoom meeting with the parent company's COO. I knew this wasn't good. The last two layoffs started with a Zoom call. Our group chats were ablaze. It was clear that everyone knew what was coming. The only question was who would stay, who would go, and what the terms would be. If you know, you know how shady things can get when it's time to lay off people.
And here's where it gets worse. The news dropped on Wednesday, but Friday was payday. I rolled out of bed, upset but trying to find the silver lining, thinking, "At least you got paid today!" The only problem was, I wasn't paid. Lord, I couldn't believe it. This had to be some kind of joke.
Where TF was my money?
It was pure chaos. None of us, myself and the other full-time contractors, were paid. Ohhhh, I felt sick to my stomach. To make matters worse, the head of finance was laid off. The entire company was in disarray. The non-payment for work that had already been completed went on for almost 2 months. It got so bad that my manager, bless her heart, even offered me money. Black women do not play. She emailed on my behalf every week. I was beyond stressed. All I could think about was the $8 I spent on a bottle of water at Magic City during my undergrad days and how I could really use that money now, lmao.
You know, when your money is funny, your memory is long. You start thinking about the $100 your uncle gave you on your 8th birthday, wishing you had saved it or bought Bitcoin. After 7 weeks, I had completely run through my dismal savings. Boy, was I fucked.
A Soft Place to Land
I am still actively undoing the consequences of my bad money choices. I don't blame my previous employer for where I am right now. In truth, I was great at making money but terrible at managing it. I would get in my bag for 4-6 months, strategically saving and investing, and then binge spend! I can't even lie and say I didn't know what to do with my money. My mom and bonus dad gave me all the tools to do right. I just chose not to.
I was impulsive as hell with a fear of missing out. I was quite literally addicted to spending my money.
What if they eat up all the oysters before I get to have some? I need to order 40 today. Tomorrow may not come, haha.
It finally hit me when I was struggling to pay rent—actually I’ll be real with y'all them people filed that eviction notice. I snapped back to reality. Borrowing money from the Bank of Bonus Dad would not solve my problems. I’d be back here in 30 days.
I had exhausted all grace with my older sister, had bad credit with my mom, and relied on favors from my ex (remember, nothing is free, sisters! Keep that in mind). I had to make the tough decision to pack up and return home. It required some effort, but I managed to negotiate with my apartment complex to cancel the eviction and simply move out. I was finally out of there.
I needed a soft, warm, and loving place to land. I always knew I could go home, but I didn’t want to. It felt like failure.
I spent days upon days lying in my mom's bed, crying for over a month. My mind was filled with thoughts of defeat. I was angry at myself, angry at God, and angry that people didn't fix things for me. I wasn't pleasant to be around—I was actually quite mean.
Honestly, I don't know how my oldest sister didn't beat me up. She showed me a lot of grace, even though I know she wanted to shake some sense into me. It was difficult to be around her because she held up a mirror and made me see myself. Stank heifer ruined my delusions lol.
Live footage of her
dragging my a$$!
What a loser, right? I wasted so much energy trying to distance myself from the city of Harrisburg, only to find myself right back there after 10 years.
How unappreciative am I? When I hit rock bottom, home welcomed me with open arms. The community here supported and uplifted me. (Just thinking out loud here.)
Now, you might be thinking, "Isn't this section supposed to be about finding a soft place to land?" Well, let's get to the soft part. I had a place to sleep, food to eat, gas in my car, family to hug me every day, and little ones to distract me from my sadness. My life used to revolve around chasing money, pursuing a successful career, and cool titles and accolades. Without a high-paying job or a fancy title, I felt like I was worth "nothing."
My family woke something up in me! Love can heal a lot. 🥹🫶🏾
Every chance I got, I would be at my other sister's house. Her home is the hangout house. The love of her children carried me through the summer. They didn't know or care that their "Rich Aunt" wasn't actually rich. I would spend my last dollar to get snacks for all of us from the family dollar store. All they wanted was to spend quality time together. I had lost sight of a lot living fast in Atlanta.
Being back in Harrisburg is helping me reset mentally and financially.
I don’t wanna be a senior citizen doing Bottle Service at the bingo Hall!
Don’t get it twisted. That is where my mind was in the midst of the storm. There are no L’s, only lessons. I have the ability to make money. Moving forward, I want to make sure I don't live in a "YOLO" mindset that leads me to a situation where I'm 72 years old, unable to retire,and tapping my titties up in hopes Mr.Earl tips at the bingo hall.
I will retire comfortably.
I will live a “good” life.
Money may not be able to buy happiness, but let's be real, it's a damn important resource. I haven't come across a single person who thought "money didn't matter" and lived a life that I would even remotely consider desirable.
I want more than just "good enough" – I want to thrive and experience the fullness of life. In America, you need money to experience that freedom.
I returned home for the second time in February of 2024! I have no intention of rushing to leave. This time, I am truly appreciating the gift of a soft place to land. I have a bold plan to pay off every cent of my $22,742.11 debt, save $30,000, and establish the necessary discipline to manage my dream life with ease! The cool girl in me believes in God's promise. Once this season of my life, which feels like a TV show, comes to an end, I will become a better daughter, sister, friend, partner, and maybe even a mom one day.
As I search for a new job, I dedicate 2-3 hours a week to financial literacy courses and podcasts. Here are a few things I've done to gain a better understanding of my situation:
Printed out detailed bank statements from the past 3 years to review my spending. You can’t solve a problem you don’t understand. This helped me identify patterns.
Organized my debt based on interest rates and created a strategy to pay it off within 18 months.
Therapy! I've been attending therapy sessions to address my impulsivity and develop coping skills. Manic episodes always seem to involve a weekend of reckless spending, and I have to purchase the most premium version available.
Even more professional help. Thank God for bartering and this black man for helping me. My particular situation is sick. I was blessed beyond measure and simply mismanaged it. Never again. I am sick, haha. Overspending is a disease, pray for your girl!
That's all I can comfortably share at this time. This story is still unfolding. Once I'm completely out of it, I'll share the deets. I can't violate the NDA right now, but as soon as it expires, I'll spill all the tea on the company that withheld payment (Feds are watching). Okay, I've said enough. I hope you enjoyed reading this. If you're not where you want to be, remember that you have the power to change it! Get up, clock in... don’t be embarrassed.
Talk about money!
Talk about pay!
Talk about your student loan debt!
Talk about budgeting!
Talk about it! You will realize you're not alone.
Xoxo,
The Cool Girl Karmen
P.S. Tell me what you think!!! Ask me something. Request a blog. Drop a line. Share with a friend.
